Homesick for Holland... what it feels like to lose a child with special needs
- Lora K.
- Sep 14, 2017
- 3 min read
I got my ticket to leave Holland about a week before the trip. I guess many would consider me lucky... at least those who had to leave without warning, without a hint the trip was coming to an end. But the pain is no less, no more... even for those who had to endure months or years of planning to leave, with ample warning that they will not live forever in Holland. Holland was home. Holland was frustrating at times, but beautiful. I had a community in Holland, those that shared my dreams for Italy and my triumph for learning the lay of the new land. I had become a travel guide for those wayward travelers who were new to Holland like I used to be. I am fluent in the language and culture of Holland. I hardly even remember the language and cultures of my old homeland. I had to work so hard in Holland, but I'd go back in a heartbeat. I'd work just as hard... harder if I had a chance to land there again, with more appreciation for the work and with less complaining. Please! I want to go back to Holland! But alas, I'm on a new pilgrimage. Sometimes I travel on a plane, looking down as I fly over Holland, as I long to land there again, wishing it had been a bad dream that I'd left. Sometimes the plane circles Italy. I don't belong there either. All my Italian guidebooks are out of date, and I lost touch with most of my pen pals there long ago. This new journey I am on has no clear destination. There's turbulence and rough waters, but I have my scrapbook of Holland with me. Sometimes that brings me laughter and fond memories, but there's often tears and anger that I will never live in Holland again. I still have blank pages in my scrapbook of Holland that need to be filled! Many of those whom I met in Holland stay in touch and try to help me on my new journey, but the friendships will never be the same. They are terrified that they too will have to leave Holland some day, yet they long for the freedom that my journey gives me. For some, the reality of my freedom to take this excursion is too much for them to bear, too close to home, so they step back. I cannot blame them, for I envy that they continue to call Holland home. I will try to use my experience in Holland to accept and adapt to my new destination, wherever that will be. I will try to be patient as my trip unfolds and a landing place is revealed to me. I will attempt to enjoy the scenery and the beautiful gifts that are shown to me along my journey. And I will try to remain open-minded when my voyage ends, and enjoy my new destination. I will embrace the people and culture, visit the museums and absorb the gifts of my new homeland. But I will hang pictures, and I'll share the stories of Holland with all those I meet along the way. I will not forget my beautiful time among the tulips, windmills and Rembrandts. And I will hold a light up for others to see if they are forced to leave Holland. I will not let them take the journey to their new homeland alone!
